A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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