So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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