dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
