Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
