Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
