my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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