my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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