yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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