i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I can text with my tongue
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
