Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
