i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
