He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
