Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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