The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
