Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
