My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
