mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
