I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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