I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Randomize
