I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
