I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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