The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
