i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
