I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
