the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Too much gin, very little bucket
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
