check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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