You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
