just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
