i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
