things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
