Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
