Porn is love you can see.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dick very happy bro
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
