I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
