He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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