thus making me awesome and them whores
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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