I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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