his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's official drugs can't kill me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
