I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
