I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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