Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
