I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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