i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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