My liver just broke up with me...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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