I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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