Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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