this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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