News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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