Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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