so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
