You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
