My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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