a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Actions speak louder than pants.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
