idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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