my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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