i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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