i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
