I am in a vortex of obligation.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
