I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I smell like Dick and happiness
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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