Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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