Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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