Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
