Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
