in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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