On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
