May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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