I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
