i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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