My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
