he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
