I hope mine doesn't look like that
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
