I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You just made me feel so damn special
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
