Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
