my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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