that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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