you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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