Whod you bang
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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